Honestly, I should never leave my dorm ever again. Because every time I do something bad happens to me.

I got a horrible cold the first days of school and then those all things with Nott happened. I'm starting to believe that someone has hexed me.. badly. I have bloody detention now also, together with Nott!

And on top of all this.. people have started to use the nickname I hated most of all names they called me before, when I was fat not this good looking.. I just hate that word. I can't even type it out. And I have no clue why they start with that name again...

I'm gonna stay in this bloody dorm until this awful cold is over, even if it will takes days and days without any food.

I can't wait for school to start. I'm reading more muggles studies this year, and I'm really looking forward to that. And I'm still a prefect, not a head boy though. Which I'm a little disappointed about I must say. I would have made a great head boy, I can tell you all.
Someone that knows who the new head boy is? I'm hoping it's not Malfoy..

Rebecka went home yesterday. And we decided to break up, and just be friends. It couldn't work, me in England and she is Germany. The weird thing is, it feels pretty good, not at all like I felt after Tracey and me.

Anyway life seem to go better than before. The only thing that went wrong this week is that mum found the dirty "famous" magazines and took them away. She didn't say a word though, and she seem normal, not mad or anything. But still..

.. I want my magazines back!

Rebecka is such a fantastic girl, she lets me kiss her without any fuss and she laughs at my jokes and she doesn't smack away my hands, like Tracey most girls I know.

But yesterday something happened... She said she had a surprise for me so I met up with her yesterday at her dad's house. He lives here but Rebecka lives with her mum in Germany most of the time. I got there and all was just great; until she asked me if I wanted the surprise now.. I said yes, of course, because who doesn't love surprises?

It turned out to be a bigger surprise than I thought. A MUCH bigger surprise. She wanted to give me, you know... and merlin, I totally freaked out! I mean... I've never done that before. So I said I had forgotten something at home...and left...as quickly as humanly possible.

It's not like I don't like her and it's not like I don't want to do that but it's just... it's been only a week and it felt like it all was happening too quickly. She apparated to my house though, after an hour and we talked... We're all ok about it now I think.

But still... I hope she doesn't think I'm a sod or something like that for backing out. But it was all happening too fast for me right now, you know?

My mum took me and my brother to muggle London today after I had stopped crying in her arms like a baby, awkward.. and we went to some bookstores. And there was this guy there signing his books to fans and in that line.. she stood.

Rebecka. She has long blonde hair and big blue eyes. And merlin, she is just the prettiest girl I have ever seen. And she just walked up to me and started to ask me if I liked this guy's books also. I didn't know a thing about his books, but then we started to talk about other things and.. now we're gonna meet again tomorrow!

It actually seems like she likes me. She smiled at me all the time. And I acted like such a fool, I tried to answer her smiles, but I just couldn't stop looking at her..

Sweet Merlin, please tell me she wants to be more than just friends..

I've been over at Hannah's house now for some days. Been alright I guess.. It's always fun to see and talk to Hannah, be with her make this place feel just like home.. Almost.

Hannah's mother think we're too big to sleep in the same room, like we did when I was over when we were younger, so I'm sleeping in the basement. My back is killing me.. I'm not use to these kind of beds But it's better than outside I guess.

My mum, dad and little brother, came home yesterday. My mum sent me a howler, about how I wasn't allowed to leave my aunt's house and bla bla.. I wasn't really listening, I can only think of one person these days, or maybe two.. Mum want me to come home.. so I might do that soon.. or not. Haven't decided yet.

Bloody hell.. I want something strong to drink..

Merlin.. I thought alcohol was suppose to make you forget about things you want to forget about.. But even after a whole bottle of whiskey, one glass of vodka and three martinis, I remember it all quite clearly anyway..

I'm never gonna trust another girl again.. not that way anyway. They lie and they.. are all so fake!

FUCK. DAMN ALL SLYTHERINS. AND FUCK TRACEY AND HER LITTLE TOYBOY CALLED NOTT. JUST FUCK THEM ALL.

I think I never throw up so much in my whole life.. and the rain.. it was ice cold in middle of the bloody summer!

It feels like my head's been used as a bludger all night long. BUT.. still the only thing I can think of.. is her words to me.. those horrible words.

Hannah, Zach, Justin or Lavender, someone, please I know you're all busy.. but I need a place to stay.. Where I can drink some more and try to ease the pain.. I can't go home.. I just can't.. please..

My aunt felt sorry for me when I told her that no one had remembered my birthday, so she gave me back my laptop. I nearly got insane without it, because I couldn't get in contact with Tracey via owls, and this was the only way.
So I'm gonna send her a vmail later.

My mum is completely mental, she called Tracey a whore and then she just sent me home to England without even listening to a word I had to say. For Merlin's sake I just kissed a girl when she walked in, nothing else..

Now I'm stuck here.. in my aunt's house, thank Merlin she let my use the computer in the end.. and my 17th birthday wasn't like I thought it would be like.. no presents at all.

Yesterday night was full of alcohol snogging and fights.

I didn't even know it was Tracey's birthday, I got just as surprised as her when we got there and everybody was screaming: SURPRISE! I'm really sorry Tracey, but I think the roses made things up later that evening. Thank Merlin for magic..

I fixed later on so Tracey and I could be alone in the pool house and I had just began to give her my birthday gift *wink*. When Nott walked in and ruined everything! I tired to tell him to leave, but he keep on just smirking, so I got up and punched him. I know, I shouldn't have done that. But you all should have seen the look on his face.. Tracey wasn't helping much at all, she was too drunk.. she kept on giggling at us. I couldn't take it then anymore, so I walked out of the pool house.

When I came back 20 minutes later, Tracey and Nott was no where to be seen. So I had some more drinks, talked a bit with Lavender Ehm, Merlin, I think I even tried to kiss her.. I bet she was too drunk to remember it anyway. Tracey will never know. Then I don't remember so much, except that I came home to our hotel and tripped in the stairs. Now I have a bump in my forehead. I feel like I fool. Maybe Tracey and Nott left together? No. No, Tracey would never do that to me..

Now I'm gonna ask Lavender where my clothes are. I woke up in bathing-trunks, but the problem was really that they weren't my bathing-trunks.. Merlin, I fear to know what happened.

The first day in Ecuador was like hell. My mum didn't take our house elves, we walked by foot to our hotel and the sun was starting to burn my skin very badly.

Then it all changed. This day have been just great! I met Tracey outside our hotel, we managed to sneak away from mum without her seeing us. Then we went for some shopping, and I who didn't know they had shops like this here. But I bought Tracey her shoes All my saving money for that helicopter ride for one pair of shoes.. But it was worth it!

Then we went swimming. My bathing-trunks were pretty old and didn't look that cool with broomsticks everywhere on them, but I don't think she cared about that.
We ate some ice cream and then we went back to my hotel. And then I just did it..! I KISSED HER.

It was just.. wow. I think I saw sparkle before my eyes. I think I'm really falling for her.. and it looked like she felt the same. She began to blush and almost fall of the stair walking down.

I don't care who read this. I'm so happy, I have to write it out!

Merlin.. she's so pretty. They way she flips her dark hair back and the way she walks.. The sound of her voice makes me want to smile. She's just so beautiful

I don't even care that my mum yelled at me when I came back in. I didn't seem to hear one word..